Meet the Goats — Visit Bigfoot’s Farm in Ohio

Come stand in a pasture in Ohio and confirm with your own eyes that any of this is real.

Here’s something we did not see coming. People started buying the book — strangers, mostly — and then asking whether they could actually come see the place. Feed the goats. Scratch Gus behind the ears. Meet LeeLoo, the mini mule those book sales pulled out of a kill auction.

So we’re doing it. Not as a business, not a paid tour, not yet. Visits are free. You bring yourself, we bring the goats, everybody wins except my schedule.

Ask to visit

No deposit, no ticket, no obligation. It asks real questions because we’re inviting strangers onto the property where we sleep — nothing invasive, just enough that Mariah doesn’t look at me a certain way.

Your name(s) * Age(s) — grown-ups and kids, roughly

How many people total? * How many are kids?

Email * Phone * Facebook name — so we know which internet stranger you are When were you thinking? Weekends are easiest. Tell us about yourself. Why do you want to come hang out with a bunch of animals in Ohio? Where are the book(s) at? *

The important questions

I’d be willing to bring milk. Whole milk, by the gallon, is deeply appreciated around here. I pinky promise not to stalk you, show up unannounced, or tell anyone exactly where the farm is. * I am not allergic to nuts, goats, hay, dogs, cats, birds, donkeys, or dust. (If someone in your party is, say so below and we’ll work around it.) * I have read and agree to the Visitor Waiver & Assumption of Risk. I understand these are live animals on a working farm, that shit happens — sometimes literally — and I will not sue anybody over it. * Anything else we should know? Allergies, accessibility needs, fear of large-eared animals, etc.

What to actually expect

Goats. Ivy, Roxanne, and the kids, who believe every human exists to provide snacks. They will climb on you. This is not negotiable.

Gus. Our rescue mini donkey, who accepts head scratches without limit and is actively recruiting for a coup. Bring your own politics.

LeeLoo. One-year-old mini mule, rescued from a kill auction in September 2026 by the first nineteen people who pre-ordered the book. She is the reason any of this matters.

Horses. Freya, Apollo, and Coco the mini horse. Looking, mostly. Riding is a someday thing, not a today thing.

Banksy. The pug. He will conduct the background check.

Mud, hay, noise, and smells. Wear boots you don’t love. This is a working farm, not a petting zoo with a gift shop.

Visits depend on weather, animals, and whether anything caught fire that week. We coordinate by email. Meet the whole crew here before you come.

The only thing we ask

These visits are how we thank the people keeping this farm running, so we ask that you’re in on the book. Forty dollars, signed, and half of it turns into hay for the exact animals you’ll be meeting. That’s the whole ask. No admission, no tip jar, no gift shop, nobody trying to sell you a timeshare in a barn.

Want the hardcover or the three-pack instead? All three options are on the book page. Any of them counts.

Already pre-ordered? Then you’re done — just send the form above and we’ll take it from there.