Welcome toBigfoot’s Farm
A real, functioning farm run by two people who had absolutely no business starting one. I have no idea what I’m doing — that is not a bit, that is the entire premise. I’m learning farming in public, in real time, with witnesses. Come along for the wild ride.
The book. It’s real now.
Hey! What The Farm!
Bad Advice, Worse Decisions and What Could Possibly Go Wrong
100% of the proceeds go to animals nobody else wanted to love. That’s not a slogan — it’s a receipt. The first nineteen copies pulled a mule out of a kill auction.
A city guy from Hawaii promised a country girl from Oregon the world. She said, “No thanks. I’ll take a horse farm.” Challenge accepted. 232 pages of what happened next — signed by the guy still living it.
34 of 40 first-edition copies claimed — ships by September 26.
Also in hardcover ($75), or the Friends & Family / Book Club 3-pack — three signed copies for $100, a $20 discount.
Signed first edition · ships by Sept 26, 2026 · Free shipping & handling in the US — I hate surprise fees as much as you do. Or pick it up and feed a baby goat.
Is it funny if I don’t own a goat?
Yes. Most of the people who’ve bought it don’t own a single animal. Here’s the honest audience:
- If you’ve ever used social media, you will love this. It started as one dumb question asked to strangers, and the strangers answered.
- If you like love stories, this is also for you. It’s about a guy who promised a woman the world and she asked for a farm instead.
- If you enjoy animals, this will be right up your alley. Goats with rap sheets, a donkey planning a coup, a mule who got a second chance.
- If you like to smile and be thankful it’s all happening to me and not you, you will really get a kick out of this.
- If you have a big heart and just want to help the helpless, every book sale goes directly to supporting the animals society had forgotten.
The Goat Kindergarten Is (Reluctantly) For Sale
Two blue-eyed, spotted Nigerian Dwarf kids are looking for forever homes. Raised by a 20-year vet tech, spoiled by everyone else.
Found us through Facebook? Yes. It’s all true.
Every day I go on the internet and ask strangers how to keep this place from killing me, and every day the strangers answer, laugh, and share it with more strangers. Somewhere along the way my problems became “content.” This is where the content lives now — no algorithm deciding whether you’ve earned the right to see it.
And listen — nobody here is trying to get rich. We’re trying to keep the fur babies fed and put a little joy back into a world that’s been running dangerously low on it.
Meet the Animals
The crew. Every one of them has a name, a personality, and a pending case.
Banksy the Famous Pug
Blue panda pug. Multi-colored eyes. Tested. Full pug. Has his own page, obviously.
Support the Farm
Everything on a farm eats, breaks, or both. Usually both. Usually the same day.
👕 Merch is live — the logo tee, $20, ten of it to the animals. Tours and trail rides are still coming soon. Most of this farm is still under construction — including the farmer.
The algorithm doesn’t love you. We might.
Sign up and the farm comes straight to your inbox — no ads, no tracking, just one man’s ongoing negotiation with livestock, delivered like a letter from a friend who is not doing well.
Fresh from the farm
The latest dispatches. Everything here actually happened, which remains the problem.
- Is Judge Judy a Good Name for a Mule? (Asking for a Friend, the Friend Is Me)Meet LeeLoo, our one-year-old mini mule, rescued from a kill auction by the first 19 people who pre-ordered the book. Also: my author’s copy arrived, and Mariah has vetoed the name Judge Judy.
- Facebook Farming: 37,000 Certified ExpertsThe best part about starting a farm isn’t the animals. It’s discovering Facebook contains exactly 37,000 certified experts. Post one picture. Within… Read more: Facebook Farming: 37,000 Certified Experts
- Breaking News: Trees Are ArmedBreaking News: Trees are armed. Nobody tells you this. You walk into the woods thinking, “I’m bigger than a tree.” Wrong. Trees… Read more: Breaking News: Trees Are Armed
- Farm FitnessI don’t need a gym membership anymore. I own a farm. Yesterday I burned 4,000 calories trying to move something that weighed… Read more: Farm Fitness
- Lowe’s Employees Recognize Me NowI’ve reached a level of adulthood where Lowe’s employees recognize me. Not by my face. By my expression. It’s that thousand-yard stare… Read more: Lowe’s Employees Recognize Me Now
- The Hitch That Refuses to LeaveMy fire truck has a trailer hitch that refuses to leave. Four grown men have attacked this thing. Heat. Hammers. Language that… Read more: The Hitch That Refuses to Leave