Latest posts
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ATTENTION BIGFOOT: This Serves as Your Official Notice
ATTENTION BIGFOOT: The FairPlay road in Bloomingdale HOA has voted unanimously to clear your woods. But I need help! Mr Henderson — you have 30 days to remove your hairy family, your stolen lawn furniture, your collection of suspicious stick structures, and whatever the hell keeps screaming behind my garage at 2 a.m. I bet…
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WANTED: Surveyor, Explorer, Possibly Bigfoot Negotiator
WANTED: Surveyor, Explorer, Possibly Bigfoot Negotiator Apparently when you buy 12 acres in Bloomingdale, Ohio, you don’t just get trees. You get mystery. Somewhere in the back woods of my property there’s what appears to be a random campsite complete with little structures, a fire pit, a mower, and a road that disappears toward the…
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Wanted: Chicken Coop Inspector (Not Kidding)
HONEST REQUEST. I’m looking for a chicken coop inspector….. Not kidding. This isn’t one of my weird jokes this time. Yesterday my chicken coop apparently decided it had accomplished everything it wanted in life, got blackout drunk on fermented scratch grain, and laid down in the yard like an uncle after six Busch Lights and…
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I Got More Hardwood Than a Viagra Convention in 1998
I Got More Hardwood Than a Viagra Convention in 1998… and I Need It Gone So apparently I bought 12 acres of what might be black walnut trees. Now, I’m not a timber guy. I’m a marketing guy who recently moved to Bloomingdale and somehow woke up one morning owning enough forest to make a…
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When Did Owning Goats Require a Degree in Geology?
How do Amish people know this stuff without Google, when did owning goats require a degree in geology, and can someone please save me from making an $800 mistake with… dirt? I’ve got an 8×24 prefab goat shed showing up soon, which means I’ve entered the part of farm ownership where everyone suddenly has a…
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A Tale of Timber and Tribulations
I’m not asking for help this time. Just wanted to share this one so everyone can laugh at my expense. A Tale of Timber and Tribulations There are moments in life when you realize the universe has been quietly laughing at you for weeks. Mine arrived in the form of a tree. Not just any…