Latest posts
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Is Judge Judy a Good Name for a Mule? (Asking for a Friend, the Friend Is Me)
Meet LeeLoo, our one-year-old mini mule, rescued from a kill auction by the first 19 people who pre-ordered the book. Also: my author’s copy arrived, and Mariah has vetoed the name Judge Judy.
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A Grown Man Getting Emotional in a Pasture
Three years ago I promised Mariah a horse property. Tonight I came home, looked across the pasture at Coco and Freya standing together, and realized I actually kept it.
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Nobody Told Me Horses Sleep Standing Up
Did you know horses sleep standing up? Forty-one years on Earth and nobody thought this was important information. Here I am pricing stalls, hay, fencingā¦ Never once did I askā¦ Where does the horse mattress go? There goes my million-dollar business idea. Sleep Number for horses. The slogan practically wrote itself. āNow with extra neigh…
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Help Me Find the Zombie Chicken of My Dreams
BLOOMINGDALE, I NEED HELP FINDING THE ZOMBIE CHICKEN OF MY DREAMS. Yes, this is a real chicken. The face that already knows how everyone in the room dies. Apparently regular chickens werenāt unsettling enough. Somewhere along the evolutionary assembly line, nature looked at poultry and said, āYou know what this needs? A face that looks…
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I Didn’t Choose the Farm Life. The Farm Life Chose Me.
“I didn’t choose the farm life. The farm life chose me.” Tupac was talking about something completely differentā¦ but somehow it still feels accurate. Last night at exactly 11:00 p.m., right when I was fast asleep. And let’s be honest, once you cross 40, staying awake past 10:00 p.m. isn’t “living a little.” It’s self-sabotage.…
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Jefferson Countyā¦ I Need You to Rate My Wood
Jefferson Countyā¦ I need you to rate my wood. Settle down. Weāre talking about the livestock shelter. Forty-one years old and I finally built something with my own two hands. Can I get a Boy Scout badge now? Not Eagle Scout. Letās not get carried away. Maybe the āDidnāt Lose a Fingerā Merit Badge. Because…
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In Search of a Friendly Half-Sized Farm Animal
UPDATE: The search ended. His name is Gus, he is a rescue, he is roughly eight years old, and he has been plotting against the local government since roughly day two. Meet him here. An early applicant. Brought his own stick to the interview. Strong candidate. šØ In search of a friendly half-sized farm animalā¦…
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When Did Owning Goats Require a Degree in Geology?
How do Amish people know this stuff without Google, when did owning goats require a degree in geology, and can someone please save me from making an $800 mistake withā¦ dirt? Iāve got an 8×24 prefab goat shed showing up soon, which means Iāve entered the part of farm ownership where everyone suddenly has a…
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Wanted: Electric Fence Consultant (The Invisible Spicy Noodle Needs Work)
šµ āItās electricā¦ boogie woogie, woogieā¦ HEY! HORSES! GET BACK HERE!ā šµ Thatās either the next county fair hitā¦ or the sound of me discovering I wired this thing backwards. Iām looking for an electric fence consultant. Somebody who loves horses but also enjoys the challenge of politely convincing 1,200 pounds of anxiety with hooves…
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My Honeymoon Budget Just Lost a Fight to a Goat Shed
šØ Breaking News: My Honeymoon Budget Just Lost a Fight to a Goat Shed. Iāve officially reached the age where Iām shopping for luxury housingā¦ ā¦for goats. Humans are fascinating. We looked at an animal that happily eats poison ivy, cardboard, and anything else that lost the will to live, and collectively decided, āYou know…