Latest posts
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Jefferson County… I Need You to Rate My Wood
Jefferson County… I need you to rate my wood. Settle down. We’re talking about the livestock shelter. Forty-one years old and I finally built something with my own two hands. Can I get a Boy Scout badge now? Not Eagle Scout. Let’s not get carried away. Maybe the “Didn’t Lose a Finger” Merit Badge. Because…
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A Love Letter to the Angry Man in the Truck
A Love Letter to the Angry Man in the Truck. (This is a long post — if reading is hard, then please skip.) Howdy, neighbor. I just wanted to thank you for stopping near my home today to educate me about the dangers of having a truck parked on the shoulder of my own yard…
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ATTENTION BIGFOOT: This Serves as Your Official Notice
ATTENTION BIGFOOT: The FairPlay road in Bloomingdale HOA has voted unanimously to clear your woods. But I need help! Mr Henderson — you have 30 days to remove your hairy family, your stolen lawn furniture, your collection of suspicious stick structures, and whatever the hell keeps screaming behind my garage at 2 a.m. I bet…
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WANTED: Surveyor, Explorer, Possibly Bigfoot Negotiator
WANTED: Surveyor, Explorer, Possibly Bigfoot Negotiator Apparently when you buy 12 acres in Bloomingdale, Ohio, you don’t just get trees. You get mystery. Somewhere in the back woods of my property there’s what appears to be a random campsite complete with little structures, a fire pit, a mower, and a road that disappears toward the…
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Make Me a Flat Earth Believer for Under $500
Make me a Flat Earth believer for under $500. I’m looking for someone with a skid steer who can level a 28’ x 12’ pad for a horse run-in shelter. Now I know what some of you are thinking… “It’s only a 3-degree slope.” Yeah? That’s what I said too. Then I started talking to…
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Wanted: Chicken Coop Inspector (Not Kidding)
HONEST REQUEST. I’m looking for a chicken coop inspector….. Not kidding. This isn’t one of my weird jokes this time. Yesterday my chicken coop apparently decided it had accomplished everything it wanted in life, got blackout drunk on fermented scratch grain, and laid down in the yard like an uncle after six Busch Lights and…
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Chicken Coop U-Haul… Where You At?
Chicken Coop U-Haul… where you at? Apparently we can summon a stranger to deliver sushi, a mattress, or drive us to the airport with three taps on a phone… But the second you need to move a chicken coop, civilization completely collapses. I’m looking for recommendations, or maybe someone with a truck, a tilt trailer,…
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Turn Gasoline Into Beer Money
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS TURNING GASOLINE INTO BEER MONEY 🍺 Got less than an acre that needs cut in Bloomingdale. Not a jungle. Not a golf course. Somewhere in the middle where Mother Nature is trying, but not that hard. The yard has a gentle slope. You won’t need mountain-climbing gear or a rescue…
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Friends Don’t Let Friends Build Barns on Crooked Ground
Friend’s don’t let friends build barns without making sure the ground is level first. Or, in my case, they just call Dale Devore, who casually shows up with a machine worth more than my entire house like it’s no big deal. Meanwhile, I’m standing there with a shovel and a tape measure thinking, “Yeah… I…
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A Tale of Timber and Tribulations
I’m not asking for help this time. Just wanted to share this one so everyone can laugh at my expense. A Tale of Timber and Tribulations There are moments in life when you realize the universe has been quietly laughing at you for weeks. Mine arrived in the form of a tree. Not just any…