Make me a Flat Earth believer for under $500.
I’m looking for someone with a skid steer who can level a 28’ x 12’ pad for a horse run-in shelter.
Now I know what some of you are thinking…
“It’s only a 3-degree slope.”
Yeah? That’s what I said too. Then I started talking to adults. Real adults. The kind that know things about drainage and foundations. Suddenly everybody’s an engineer.
“You gotta get the base right.”
“The water’s gotta run away.”
“Future you will thank present you.”
Who are these people? When did everyone become so responsible?
The rental place wants about $300 for a mini track loader and another $200-ish to deliver it. So before I even start the machine, I’m already into this project for about 500 bucks. That’s a lot of money to discover I’m one wrong joystick away from building a motocross track instead of a horse shelter.
So if you’ve got a skid steer, know what you’re doing, and can do it for $500 or less, let’s talk.
I need this thing flat.
Flat like those high-top fades from the ‘80s. Haircuts so level you could’ve played air hockey on ’em.
Flat like the Earth… according to that one guy who somehow manages to bring NASA into every Facebook comment section.
Flat like Brad Pitt’s abs in Fight Club. Ladies, tag your husbands. Maybe they can come level my pad and get inspired to level up themselves.
Flat like my poor pug’s face. That dog looks like he ran full speed into a sliding glass door… years ago… and just decided to keep the look.
I’m happy to help, too. And by “help,” I mean I’ll stand there holding the laser level, nodding confidently, and saying things like, “Yep… looks good to me,” despite having absolutely no qualifications to make that statement.
If this sounds like your kind of Saturday, shoot me a message.
Worst case, I get a level pad.
Best case, I make a new friend and avoid becoming the neighborhood legend who accidentally built the world’s first horse run-in ski slope. 🐴🚜🤣
Dispatches like this one are being collected in What The F(arm): Sixty Dispatches from an Unqualified Ohio Farmer — $40, half of which turns straight into hay for the horses, the mini donkey, and the baby goats. The presses roll when 100 people pre-order.