Hire Bigfoot
(Yes. The same guy who lost a fight with a Harbor Freight auger. Stay with me, this gets good.)
Here’s the plot twist nobody was ready for: before I was a confused man standing in the mud yelling at fence posts, I spent eighteen years doing marketing for a living. Real marketing. Disney-and-Google marketing. Campaigns from Hawaii to New York to Australia to Portland, from single photoshoots to million-dollar budgets. The man who cannot locate one competent gutter contractor has managed million-dollar campaigns. Life is not a straight line, folks. Mine appears to be a spiral, but it’s a spiral with credentials.
So while the farm figures out how to pay for itself, the marketing brain remains open for business through my agency, The Owl Agency. You get decades of professional experience. I get to keep the fur babies in hay. Everybody wins, especially the goats, who contribute nothing and expect everything.
Things I can actually do
Unlike fencing, I am genuinely qualified for all of the following:
Marketing strategy — 18 years, a master’s in business communication, and a published book on marketing psychology. I literally wrote the book, which is a sentence I never get to say about agriculture.
Social media management — I made a farm famous by asking strangers about goats. That was an accident. Imagine what happens when I do it on purpose, for you.
Photography — Google Trusted Photographer. Weddings, business, wildlife — some of the wildlife shots were even voluntary.
Graphics & creative direction — branding, design, and art direction. The watercolor Bigfoot you’re looking at? That energy, but for your business.
Video production — from concept to final cut, with an associate’s degree in multimedia production and everything.
SEO & Google Ads — getting found on the internet, which I promise is easier than getting found in rural Ohio.
Web design — websites that work. You’re on one right now. See? Meta.
PR & content marketing — I once sold a haunted house in 24 hours with a Facebook post. Your product is almost certainly easier to move than a haunted house. Almost.
The fine print, spoken out loud
Master’s in Business Communication · Bachelor’s in Advertising · Associate’s in Multimedia Production · Google Trusted Photographer · Apple certified · trained in guest service by the actual Disney corporation, which is why I remain polite while a goat eats my property.
Hire me and your project gets a guy trained by Disney, trusted by Google, and humbled daily by livestock. That last part matters — nothing keeps an ego in check like being publicly outsmarted by an animal with a beard. And to be clear about where the money goes: nobody here is chasing yachts. Every project keeps the fur babies fed and this whole beautiful mess running.
Prefer email? Michael@theowlagency.com — replies may arrive with hay in them. That’s how you know it’s authentic.