Latest posts
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Our Goats Need Names
We added two lovely ladies to the farm, and both of them have beards. It reminds me of living in Portland, Oregon, but the rent is lower and these women are easier to please. One may have a bun, or possibly a tin can, in the oven. That is a goat joke. Please respect the…
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BREAKING NEWS: I’m Apparently Looking for a Goat OB-GYN Now
BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FARM: I’m apparently looking for a goat OB-GYN now. Yep. This is adulthood. Somewhere between buying a chainsaw and arguing over the price of gravel, I found myself wondering, “Anybody know a good obstetrician… for a goat?” Just brought home these two lovely ladies, and I gotta say, they remind me…
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Exciting News: We’re Having Twins
My partner and I have some exciting news we’d like to share with our family, friends, and everyone around Bloomingdale. We’re having twins. Like every responsible soon-to-be parent, I’ve been doom-scrolling parenting groups at 2 a.m. Apparently you’re supposed to have a nursery, a birth plan, a registry, seventeen different kinds of bottles, twelve backup…
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Are Goats Ticklish? And Other Questions the Internet Failed Me On
There are no stupid questions… …which is fantastic news, because I’m about to ask enough of them to get politely escorted out of Tractor Supply. Are goats ticklish? Hear me out. I’ve officially reached the end of the internet. Google has started contradicting itself. Reddit is 4,000 strangers confidently arguing with one another while a…
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A Tale of Timber and Tribulations
I’m not asking for help this time. Just wanted to share this one so everyone can laugh at my expense. A Tale of Timber and Tribulations There are moments in life when you realize the universe has been quietly laughing at you for weeks. Mine arrived in the form of a tree. Not just any…
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Apparently We Are Having a Baby
Attention Jefferson County horse people, apparently we are having a baby. Not a human baby. I already understand those come with hospital bills, sleep deprivation and an eventual demand for a car. This one comes with four legs, no health insurance and the ability to stand up 45 minutes after being born, which is honestly…
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Looking for the King of All Handymen
LOOKING FOR “The KING of all HANDYMAN” IN BLOOMINGDALE, OHIO I’m moving to Bloomingdale this week and I’m looking for that mythical being every small town seems to have. You know the guy. The one who sees a leaking pipe and doesn’t panic. The garage door quits opening and he just laughs and says, “Yep,…
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What Started as a Joke
The exact moment the joke became legally binding. What started as a joke about seeing if anyone would actually buy a slightly haunted house turned into it selling in less than 24 hours for full asking price. Apparently the universe heard me laughing and said, “Hold my beer.” Then somehow, against all logic, common sense,…
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Hey Clark… Shitter’s Full. Or Is It?
Hey Clark… shitter’s full. Or is it?? Bloomingdale crew, I need a brave soul. A septic wizard. A poop detective. I’m trying to buy a house and the septic system has been sitting there for years… untouched… untested… just marinating underground like some kind of forbidden soup. No one’s lived there, so the county’s basically…
