Latest posts
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An Obituary for the Six Brave Men Defeated by a 10-Inch Hole
Where are all the kids whose parents spent their entire childhood screaming, “Quit digging holes! You’re gonna dig to China!” Because I’m hiring. Apparently every one of those little dirt goblins grew up, got office jobs, and forgot how to operate a shovel. Before anyone asks why I don’t just do it myself… I’d love…
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Wanted: A Handyman Who Understands the Zap-Zap Rope
Looking for a handyman who knows his way around a gas auger, pasture gates, and the mysterious agricultural science behind the zap-zap rope. I already have about 80% of the fence holes drilled, which means the property currently looks like a giant connect-the-dots puzzle designed by a drunk farmer with commitment issues. I can handle…
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Patio Doors Are Now a Luxury Item for Billionaires and Drug Lords
BREAKING NEWS: Apparently patio doors are now a luxury item reserved for billionaires and drug lords. I’ve officially entered the phase of homeownership where I can’t tell if I’m shopping for doors or funding a NASA mission. I’ve got three exterior patio doors that need replaced. They’re about 118 inches wide, basically the Shaq of…
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Looking for the King of All Handymen
LOOKING FOR “The KING of all HANDYMAN” IN BLOOMINGDALE, OHIO I’m moving to Bloomingdale this week and I’m looking for that mythical being every small town seems to have. You know the guy. The one who sees a leaking pipe and doesn’t panic. The garage door quits opening and he just laughs and says, “Yep,…
