Latest posts
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⚠️ Trust No Yellow Frozen Object
⚠️ WARNING TO THE PEOPLE OF JEFFERSON COUNTY, AND ANYONE LIVING WITHIN A 20-MILE RADIUS OF A WALMART. I need you to stay calm. Wanna play a game? It’s called “My Whole Life Is a Lie.” I just got done cutting the yard on a Saturday morning. Nothing is more American than mowing grass, watching…
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The Sun Wakes Up Every Morning and Chooses Violence
I’m about one more 92-degree day away from laying down in the Tractor Supply stock tank and calling it a vacation. I need a good local swimming hole. Also, if you happen to see an unusually pale creature wandering toward the water, don’t call the DNR. It’s not the White Sasquatch. It’s just me, an…
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The Amish Are Going to Hate This Idea
The Amish are going to hate this idea… hear me out. The rocking chair has had an unbelievable run. It’s the Tom Brady of porch furniture. It has dominated for generations, carried Cracker Barrel on its back, and probably sold more sweet tea than every marketing campaign in history combined. But I think it’s time.…