Latest posts
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Man vs. Tree
We decided a couple of dead trees had to come down before the fence could go up. And by âwe,â I mean Mariah held a strategic planning meeting with herself and assigned me the action items. Itâs amazing how âour projectâ always seems to end with my lower back filing an HR complaint. The day…
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An Obituary for the Six Brave Men Defeated by a 10-Inch Hole
Where are all the kids whose parents spent their entire childhood screaming, âQuit digging holes! Youâre gonna dig to China!â Because Iâm hiring. Apparently every one of those little dirt goblins grew up, got office jobs, and forgot how to operate a shovel. Before anyone asks why I donât just do it myself⊠Iâd love…
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Wanted: A Handyman Who Understands the Zap-Zap Rope
Looking for a handyman who knows his way around a gas auger, pasture gates, and the mysterious agricultural science behind the zap-zap rope. I already have about 80% of the fence holes drilled, which means the property currently looks like a giant connect-the-dots puzzle designed by a drunk farmer with commitment issues. I can handle…
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Patio Doors Are Now a Luxury Item for Billionaires and Drug Lords
BREAKING NEWS: Apparently patio doors are now a luxury item reserved for billionaires and drug lords. Iâve officially entered the phase of homeownership where I canât tell if Iâm shopping for doors or funding a NASA mission. Iâve got three exterior patio doors that need replaced. Theyâre about 118 inches wide, basically the Shaq of…
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Looking for the King of All Handymen
LOOKING FOR âThe KING of all HANDYMANâ IN BLOOMINGDALE, OHIO Iâm moving to Bloomingdale this week and Iâm looking for that mythical being every small town seems to have. You know the guy. The one who sees a leaking pipe and doesnât panic. The garage door quits opening and he just laughs and says, âYep,…
