19 of 25 claimed. Six to go and the presses roll.
Welcome toBigfoot’s Farm
A real, functioning farm run by two people who had absolutely no business starting one. I have no idea what I’m doing — that is not a bit, that is the entire premise. I’m learning farming in public, in real time, with witnesses. Come along for the wild ride.
The Goat Kindergarten Is (Reluctantly) For Sale
Two blue-eyed, spotted Nigerian Dwarf kids are looking for forever homes. Raised by a 20-year vet tech, spoiled by everyone else.
Found us through Facebook? Yes. It’s all true.
Every day I go on the internet and ask strangers how to keep this place from killing me, and every day the strangers answer, laugh, and share it with more strangers. Somewhere along the way my problems became “content.” This is where the content lives now — no algorithm deciding whether you’ve earned the right to see it.
And listen — nobody here is trying to get rich. We’re trying to keep the fur babies fed and put a little joy back into a world that’s been running dangerously low on it.
Meet the Animals
The crew. Every one of them has a name, a personality, and a pending case.
Banksy the Famous Pug
Blue panda pug. Multi-colored eyes. Tested. Full pug. Has his own page, obviously.
Support the Farm
Everything on a farm eats, breaks, or both. Usually both. Usually the same day.
Every book comes with a receipt
Order What The F(arm) and here is exactly where your $40 lands. Every line item. Nothing hidden. Note the one line that isn’t on there: mine.
And if you want to go deeper down the hole…
The Book
Sixty dispatches, bound and signed. $40 — half of it turns straight into hay. Or go bigger: hardcover $75, or the Book Club Bundle — three copies, one shipment, $100. The presses roll at 25 pre-orders.
The Penpal Club
Real letters in your real mailbox, from $12/month. One-of-ones, artwork, and the occasional lock of Bigfoot hair. Squatch-o-Grams too.
🚧 Merch, tours, and trail rides are coming soon. Most of this farm is still under construction — including the farmer.
The algorithm doesn’t love you. We might.
Sign up and the farm comes straight to your inbox — no ads, no tracking, just one man’s ongoing negotiation with livestock, delivered like a letter from a friend who is not doing well.
Fresh from the farm
The latest dispatches. Everything here actually happened, which remains the problem.
- Is Judge Judy a Good Name for a Mule? (Asking for a Friend, the Friend Is Me)Meet LeeLoo, our one-year-old mini mule, rescued from a kill auction by the first 19 people who pre-ordered the book. Also: my author’s copy arrived, and Mariah has vetoed the name Judge Judy.
- Facebook Farming: 37,000 Certified ExpertsThe best part about starting a farm isn’t the animals. It’s discovering Facebook contains exactly 37,000 certified experts. Post one picture. Within… Read more: Facebook Farming: 37,000 Certified Experts
- Breaking News: Trees Are ArmedBreaking News: Trees are armed. Nobody tells you this. You walk into the woods thinking, “I’m bigger than a tree.” Wrong. Trees… Read more: Breaking News: Trees Are Armed
- Farm FitnessI don’t need a gym membership anymore. I own a farm. Yesterday I burned 4,000 calories trying to move something that weighed… Read more: Farm Fitness
- Lowe’s Employees Recognize Me NowI’ve reached a level of adulthood where Lowe’s employees recognize me. Not by my face. By my expression. It’s that thousand-yard stare… Read more: Lowe’s Employees Recognize Me Now
- The Hitch That Refuses to LeaveMy fire truck has a trailer hitch that refuses to leave. Four grown men have attacked this thing. Heat. Hammers. Language that… Read more: The Hitch That Refuses to Leave