Book Teasers
Get a taste of what’s coming.
Some stories on this site stop mid-swing. That is not a bug, a glitch, or a man who got distracted by a goat — though all three are plausible. Those are the dispatches that live in full inside What The F(arm), and what’s posted here is the first few minutes before the wheels come off.
Read them. Get invested. Suffer. Then pre-order the book and find out how each one ends — $40, half of which turns straight into hay for the animals who caused every single one of these situations.
The teasers
Am I Cool Enough for a Cowboy Hat?
How many farm animals must a man own before he’s legally permitted to wear a cowboy hat without looking like he got separated from a bachelor party in Nashville?Start reading → (it stops right when it gets good)
The Farm Truck Dating Game
Shopping for a used farm truck is exactly like online dating, except the truck is more honest about having rust and commitment issues.Start reading → (it stops right when it gets good)
Rural King Is a Casino for Men With Property
You walk in for a mineral block. Thirty minutes later you’re studying a side-by-side, holding free popcorn, and wondering whether baby chicks would improve your mental health.Start reading → (it stops right when it gets good)
Are These Beaver Bees?
I thought bees liked flowers. Apparently some of them looked at my deck and said, “Fuck flowers. We’re contractors now.”Start reading → (it stops right when it gets good)
The Handyman Has Entered Witness Protection
He arrived, looked at the work, promised a start date, and then disappeared so completely I assume the federal government gave him a new identity.Start reading → (it stops right when it gets good)
Sixty of these. One book.
What The F(arm): Sixty Dispatches from an Unqualified Ohio Farmer. 140 pages, signed first edition, $40 — and the presses roll the moment 25 people pre-order. Half of every copy becomes feed for the horses, the mini donkey, and the goats.