WANTED: Surveyor, Explorer, Possibly Bigfoot Negotiator

WANTED: Surveyor, Explorer, Possibly Bigfoot Negotiator

Apparently when you buy 12 acres in Bloomingdale, Ohio, you don’t just get trees. You get mystery.

Somewhere in the back woods of my property there’s what appears to be a random campsite complete with little structures, a fire pit, a mower, and a road that disappears toward the neighbor’s place like the opening scene of a low-budget horror movie.

Now, according to my GPS maps, it’s on my land.

According to common sense, I have no idea.

So I’m looking for a survey company that can hike through the woods, mark some property lines, and tell me what I actually bought.

Bonus points if you’re willing to battle sticker bushes, angry squirrels, and the possibility of a Sasquatch sighting. If you find Bigfoot, just let him know I’m not interested in selling.

To make things even better, there’s also what appears to be a goat shack somewhere near the property line. Not even mad about that part. The goats are innocent. Frankly, they may be the most organized residents involved in this whole situation.

If you know a surveyor around Bloomingdale who enjoys hiking through the woods and solving rural mysteries, send them my way.

I’d really like to know where my property ends and where the Goat Kingdom begins.

Dispatches like this one are being collected in What The F(arm): Sixty Dispatches from an Unqualified Ohio Farmer — $40, half of which turns straight into hay for the horses, the mini donkey, and the baby goats. The presses roll when 100 people pre-order.