šØ Breaking News: My Honeymoon Budget Just Lost a Fight to a Goat Shed.
Iāve officially reached the age where Iām shopping for luxury housingā¦
ā¦for goats.
Humans are fascinating. We looked at an animal that happily eats poison ivy, cardboard, and anything else that lost the will to live, and collectively decided, āYou know what this thing needs? A handcrafted cottage with a covered porch.ā
These are African goats.
They survived thousands of years sleeping on rocks and outrunning predators. Now apparently they require better housing than I had in my twenties.
I found this shed, and itās gorgeous. The craftsmanship is beautiful, and Iām not taking anything away from the builder. I know quality work costs money.
But somewhere between āgoatā and ātiny barn,ā the price tag took a hard left into āstarter home.ā
Soā¦ Iām asking for help.
I know the answer somehow involves the Amish.
It always does.
The problem is actually finding them.
People act like theyāre everywhere, but locating an Amish builder is like hunting Sasquatch. Everyone has a cousin whose uncleās barber knows a guy, but nobody has a phone number.
The whole āno internetā thing canāt be helping the business model. I manage social media for a living. If there are any Amish builders reading thisā¦ first of all, congratulations on solving the internet problem. Second, Iāll happily trade marketing advice for a reasonably priced goat shed.
My qualifications include approximately 300,900 unread emails, a crypto portfolio thatās currently serving as a cautionary tale, and enough experience convincing strangers to click buttons on the internet that I should probably be studied by scientists.
But I digressā¦
Goat hut peopleā¦ where ya at?
Seriously. If youāve got a builder around Bloomingdale, Steubenville, or within an hour that does great goat sheds, run-in shelters, or small barns, tag them below.
Help me before these tiny bearded chaos goblins convince me they also need a guest house, a heated floor, and a homeowners association.
New here? The whole saga lives in Farm Stories & Fails, and the greatest hits are becoming an actual book. Signed copies ship September 26, 2026.
