🚨 Breaking News: My Honeymoon Budget Just Lost a Fight to a Goat Shed.
I’ve officially reached the age where I’m shopping for luxury housing…
…for goats.
Humans are fascinating. We looked at an animal that happily eats poison ivy, cardboard, and anything else that lost the will to live, and collectively decided, “You know what this thing needs? A handcrafted cottage with a covered porch.”
These are African goats.
They survived thousands of years sleeping on rocks and outrunning predators. Now apparently they require better housing than I had in my twenties.
I found this shed, and it’s gorgeous. The craftsmanship is beautiful, and I’m not taking anything away from the builder. I know quality work costs money.
But somewhere between “goat” and “tiny barn,” the price tag took a hard left into “starter home.”
So… I’m asking for help.
I know the answer somehow involves the Amish.
It always does.
The problem is actually finding them.
People act like they’re everywhere, but locating an Amish builder is like hunting Sasquatch. Everyone has a cousin whose uncle’s barber knows a guy, but nobody has a phone number.
The whole “no internet” thing can’t be helping the business model. I manage social media for a living. If there are any Amish builders reading this… first of all, congratulations on solving the internet problem. Second, I’ll happily trade marketing advice for a reasonably priced goat shed.
My qualifications include approximately 300,900 unread emails, a crypto portfolio that’s currently serving as a cautionary tale, and enough experience convincing strangers to click buttons on the internet that I should probably be studied by scientists.
But I digress…
Goat hut people… where ya at?
Seriously. If you’ve got a builder around Bloomingdale, Steubenville, or within an hour that does great goat sheds, run-in shelters, or small barns, tag them below.
Help me before these tiny bearded chaos goblins convince me they also need a guest house, a heated floor, and a homeowners association.
Dispatches like this one are being collected in What The F(arm): Sixty Dispatches from an Unqualified Ohio Farmer — $40, half of which turns straight into hay for the horses, the mini donkey, and the baby goats. The presses roll when 100 people pre-order.