Looking for a handyman who knows his way around a gas auger, pasture gates, and the mysterious agricultural science behind the zap-zap rope.
I already have about 80% of the fence holes drilled, which means the property currently looks like a giant connect-the-dots puzzle designed by a drunk farmer with commitment issues.
I can handle putting the posts in. What I need is someone to help finish drilling the last few holes, hang the pasture gates when they arrive, and possibly help me figure out how electric fencing works.
You know, the white rope that looks harmless until it teaches you a brief but unforgettable lesson about electricity, livestock, and the speed of the human nervous system.
My previous handyman has once again activated his invisibility cloak. No warning. No goodbye. Just vanished into the Ohio wilderness like a contractor-themed Sasquatch.
Unfortunately, the holes, gates, and horses have refused to respect his spiritual journey. The work needs done sooner rather than later.
If you’re near Bloomingdale, Ohio, and looking for around 15 hours of side work per week, send me a message.
Pay is daily through Cash App or Venmo.
Must be dependable, comfortable operating a gas auger, and ideally understand electric fencing well enough to know which rope gets the zap and which one merely sits there looking decorative.
Bonus points if you own tools, answer text messages, and continue existing after your first week.
Dispatches like this one are being collected in What The F(arm): Sixty Dispatches from an Unqualified Ohio Farmer — $40, half of which turns straight into hay for the horses, the mini donkey, and the baby goats. The presses roll when 100 people pre-order.