I’ve reached a level of adulthood where Lowe’s employees recognize me.
Not by my face.
By my expression.
It’s that thousand-yard stare that says…
“I came in for one bolt and somehow spent $412.”
Every trip starts with confidence.
Every trip ends with three carts and a crisis.
Stay in touch with Bigfoot and his farm — join the mailing list on any page, or go full analog with the Penpal Club: real letters, real stamps, occasional Bigfoot hair. New nonsense drops every Tuesday and Friday.







