This is not a blog. This is a running record of farm stories and fails — written live, from the mud, by a man who once believed twelve acres would be “peaceful.” Everything here actually happened. That’s the problem. My suffering is your entertainment. Enjoy responsibly.
New dispatches drop every Tuesday and Friday. The farm does not take weeks off. Neither does the suffering.
Browse by category of regret
Latest dispatches
Want every single one on a single page, newest first? That’s Bigfoot’s Rabbit Hole. Cancel your evening.
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A Grown Man Getting Emotional in a Pasture
Three years ago I promised Mariah a horse property. Tonight I came home, looked across the pasture at Coco and Freya standing together, and realized I actually kept it.
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A Tale of Timber and Tribulations
I’m not asking for help this time. Just wanted to share this one so everyone can laugh at my expense. A Tale of Timber and Tribulations There are moments in life when you realize the universe has been quietly laughing at you for weeks. Mine…
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Apparently We Are Having a Baby
Attention Jefferson County horse people, apparently we are having a baby. Not a human baby. I already understand those come with hospital bills, sleep deprivation and an eventual demand for a car. This one comes with four legs, no health insurance and the ability to…
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Looking for the King of All Handymen
LOOKING FOR “The KING of all HANDYMAN” IN BLOOMINGDALE, OHIO I’m moving to Bloomingdale this week and I’m looking for that mythical being every small town seems to have. You know the guy. The one who sees a leaking pipe and doesn’t panic. The garage…
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What Started as a Joke
The exact moment the joke became legally binding. What started as a joke about seeing if anyone would actually buy a slightly haunted house turned into it selling in less than 24 hours for full asking price. Apparently the universe heard me laughing and said,…
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Hey Clark… Shitter’s Full. Or Is It?
Hey Clark… shitter’s full. Or is it?? Bloomingdale crew, I need a brave soul. A septic wizard. A poop detective. I’m trying to buy a house and the septic system has been sitting there for years… untouched… untested… just marinating underground like some kind of…
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