This is not a blog. This is a running record of farm stories and fails — written live, from the mud, by a man who once believed twelve acres would be “peaceful.” Everything here actually happened. That’s the problem. My suffering is your entertainment. Enjoy responsibly.
New dispatches drop every Tuesday and Friday. The farm does not take weeks off. Neither does the suffering.
Browse by category of regret
Latest dispatches
Want every single one on a single page, newest first? That’s Bigfoot’s Rabbit Hole. Cancel your evening.
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A Grown Man Getting Emotional in a Pasture
Three years ago I promised Mariah a horse property. Tonight I came home, looked across the pasture at Coco and Freya standing together, and realized I actually kept it.
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Jefferson County… I Need You to Rate My Wood
Jefferson County… I need you to rate my wood. Settle down. We’re talking about the livestock shelter. Forty-one years old and I finally built something with my own two hands. Can I get a Boy Scout badge now? Not Eagle Scout. Let’s not get carried…
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A Love Letter to the Angry Man in the Truck
A Love Letter to the Angry Man in the Truck. (This is a long post — if reading is hard, then please skip.) Howdy, neighbor. I just wanted to thank you for stopping near my home today to educate me about the dangers of having…
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In Search of a Friendly Half-Sized Farm Animal
UPDATE: The search ended. His name is Gus, he is a rescue, he is roughly eight years old, and he has been plotting against the local government since roughly day two. Meet him here. An early applicant. Brought his own stick to the interview. Strong…
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An Obituary for the Six Brave Men Defeated by a 10-Inch Hole
Where are all the kids whose parents spent their entire childhood screaming, “Quit digging holes! You’re gonna dig to China!” Because I’m hiring. Apparently every one of those little dirt goblins grew up, got office jobs, and forgot how to operate a shovel. Before anyone…
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Welcome to the Farm (Now With Website)
Well. We have a website now. For everyone who’s been following the daily disasters on Facebook and asking “where can I keep up with this that isn’t Facebook?” — you’re looking at it. The blog lives here now, safe from any algorithm’s opinion about whether…
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