This is not a blog. This is a running record of farm stories and fails — written live, from the mud, by a man who once believed twelve acres would be “peaceful.” Everything here actually happened. That’s the problem. My suffering is your entertainment. Enjoy responsibly.
New dispatches drop every Tuesday and Friday. The farm does not take weeks off. Neither does the suffering.
Browse by category of regret
Latest dispatches
Want every single one on a single page, newest first? That’s Bigfoot’s Rabbit Hole. Cancel your evening.
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A Grown Man Getting Emotional in a Pasture
Three years ago I promised Mariah a horse property. Tonight I came home, looked across the pasture at Coco and Freya standing together, and realized I actually kept it.
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WANTED: Surveyor, Explorer, Possibly Bigfoot Negotiator
WANTED: Surveyor, Explorer, Possibly Bigfoot Negotiator Apparently when you buy 12 acres in Bloomingdale, Ohio, you don’t just get trees. You get mystery. Somewhere in the back woods of my property there’s what appears to be a random campsite complete with little structures, a fire…
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Our Goats Need Names
We added two lovely ladies to the farm, and both of them have beards. It reminds me of living in Portland, Oregon, but the rent is lower and these women are easier to please. One may have a bun, or possibly a tin can, in…
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Make Me a Flat Earth Believer for Under $500
Make me a Flat Earth believer for under $500. I’m looking for someone with a skid steer who can level a 28’ x 12’ pad for a horse run-in shelter. Now I know what some of you are thinking… “It’s only a 3-degree slope.” Yeah?…
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BREAKING NEWS: I’m Apparently Looking for a Goat OB-GYN Now
BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FARM: I’m apparently looking for a goat OB-GYN now. Yep. This is adulthood. Somewhere between buying a chainsaw and arguing over the price of gravel, I found myself wondering, “Anybody know a good obstetrician… for a goat?” Just brought home these…
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Exciting News: We’re Having Twins
My partner and I have some exciting news we’d like to share with our family, friends, and everyone around Bloomingdale. We’re having twins. Like every responsible soon-to-be parent, I’ve been doom-scrolling parenting groups at 2 a.m. Apparently you’re supposed to have a nursery, a birth…
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